Ideas For Entertainment

People are the same all over. They only want one thing these days, and that's for everyone else to leave them the fuck alone. Society has made us a bunch of stranger-fearing, terrorist-fearing, disease-fearing, germ-fearing, you get the idea kind of people. So these games allow people to step out of the fear if even for a few moments, and be what they should be, a community. Everyone doesn't have to like everyone, and they never will. But we need to come together as humans, and comedy allows that to happen because laughter opposes fear.

Because I'm sometimes bored or just in the mood to be a jerk/asshole, I decided to make a list of some ways to amuse yourself at the expense of others. Not all of these ideas are mine, because I found some online. But whatever the source, here are the ideas...

The "Hey Joe/Oh I'm Sorry" Game
This game is easy if you have even the slightest acting skills. Even if you don't, give it a shot. The point is to laugh anyways, just not during the joke. Just choose someone and go up to them as if you know them. Greet them with, "Hey! Joe!" or something similar. As they look at you in surprise, simply say, "Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." Or you can take it up a notch and just go on and on as if you know them. Talk about old times. Bring up some serious times. Just have fun with it. Enjoy the results.

The "I Know You" Game
This can be played two ways. The first way is with total confidence, but you have to play it right! You KNOW them and will conversate with them based on that. You will have to ignore marital status unless you know it, ignore names and dates and things relating to their possible family, but otherwise have fun with it. Laugh about that time in the theater, or talk about the bad double date. They of course know nothing about any of it, but will they say so? The second way to play it is to approach it with the "I know you form SOMEWHERE, but I can't remember" tactic. Get them to remember where they know YOU from.

The Face Game
They don't get much easier than this. As you walk through the mall or some other crowded place, find a person with a face you want to impersonate. The weirder they look, the more laughs you get. Once you've chosen your 'face', try to mold your own face so that you feel that your face is like the one you've chosen. Don't use mirrors or worry about perfection, just imitate their face as best you can. Now you have to keep that face until you choose a new one.

This game gets laughs three ways:
It can make you laugh when you imitate the face and hold it,
It can make your friends laugh at/with you,
And it can make strangers laugh at/with you

The While You Wait Game
This one requires a movie theater and only a few people. Get to the movies about an hour before your show. As soon as you are allowed in the theater, go get your seats. Eventually, a few other people will come in, and some will sit behind you somewhere. These are your target people. The closest people behind you. Now there are several things you can do in this setting to have fun:

The Conversation - Since the folks behind you ARE going to listen in to your conversation, make it a good one. All of these conversations require a same-sex friend. You should have several pre-arranged topics to use, so here are a few to get you started:
   
Coming out to your parents - Discuss your plans and apprehension about coming out to your parents.

Telling Your Wife That You're Gay - Discuss ways on how to break it to your wife that you're into men. Maybe your companion is your gay lover?

Your Affair With Your Boss - Talk about the homosexual affair you're having with your boss. Maybe he/she's even forcing you into it. Either way, talk it up.

Make up your own! But make it outrageous! But have some respect. Don't be a total ass and offend a bunch of people. Unless you enjoy it, then go ahead. But you have to deal with the consequences.

Jackass-Like Behavior -You don't want to go crazy and get kicked out of the theater (or maybe you do, that's the beauty of it's simplicity) but you can do something fun or gross. Again, your target is the closest people behind you.

Floor Food - It doesn't work if you already have snacks, so do it before, or instead of. Talk about how hungry you are and how you wish you had brought some extra money for snacks. Then say, "Maybe there's something good on the floor." loud enough to be conversation, but not like you're announcing it. Then look around and get some snacks...from the theater floor. I've done this and it was hilarious and definitely memorable for the folks watching me. If you have a problem with eating floor food, get there early enough to plant something. But it HAS to be unwrapped and look discarded. You can put a candy bar down that you've already half-eaten, or buy a bucket of popcorn and pour the whole thing on the floor. Then you can eat from the top of the pile and avoid floor germs. But fuck those germs. Eat the floor food. It takes less work and is a helluva lot funnier for your friends too.

The Loud Person - This game is for before the previews when the theater is showing ads on the screen. This game is fun with friends, but can be enjoyed alone. Your target is anyone within earshot, which is alot of people in a quiet theater. There are several types of ads, and therefore fun to be had:

        The Quiz Answerer (good) - This only works if you truly are knowledgeable about films. Answer the quiz screens Loudly and Proudly. Add a touch of sarcasm to indicate how simple the questions are.

        Bonus Game! - Throw random tidbits of info out there about the actors or actresses featured in the quiz. It should be total bullshit and random lies. Your correct quiz answers will lend creedence to the lies you are telling.

        The Quiz Answerer (bad) - This is good for anyone as you don't have to know shit. Throw out wrong answers Loudly and Proudly, with plenty of know-it-all sarcasm. As you increasingly get things wrong, start to claim that the fact-checkers are indeed wrong and you are right. Even if someone offers proof that you're wrong, justify your wrong answer. Never admit to being wrong. EVER.

        Bonus Game! - Throw random tidbits of info out there about the actors or actresses featured in the quiz. But this time it should be absolutely true. You want to seem knowledgeable to make your wrong answers seem possible to the uninformed. Remember not to contradict yourself!

General Mockery - Mock the ads with whatever skills you got. Make fun of pictures, mock the services offered, contradict them, praise them oddly, or whatever, but make it fun.

        The DOLBY Announcement - Works best on those silent DOLBY graphics. You know, it shows the DOLBY logo and has no sound. When it shows that, or when the one with sound gets quiet, say in a loud, deep, badly-imitated asian voice, "DOLBY!" It is usually so quiet in the theater at that point that it sounds fucking great. Do it right, and do it every time.

        The Creepy Searchlights - You know the ones I mean. They pop on and begin to move and groan with old, rusty, metallic sound. When they start moving and the sound begins, you have to say something like, "They've found me! I'm scared!" or "The searchlights! NOOoo!" Either way, make it good. Be afraid of the searchlights. Be very afraid.

The Phony Voice Game
This game works best if you can at least alter your voice in some way that is still understandable. If nobody can understand you, there's no point. This can be played at work if you don't mind risking trouble with the boss. Here's how it works; simply use a different voice during an entire conversation or transaction (at work or as a customer). Hold that voice and don't blow it no matter what. The harder it gets, the funnier it gets. Here are some voice ideas:

    Old
    Gay
    Foreign (hispanic, asian, etc)
    Female (if you're male)
    Male (if you're female)
    A stranger's voice you heard earlier

The Random Outburst Game
A game that is funny and unpredictable based on the person who plays. The game is easy; simply say random stuff out of the blue. Mid-conversation, during a pause in conversation, etc. You can use movie quotes, weird words, or whatever you want. But it should be vague or unrelated to anything going on. Here are some of mine...

    "Automobile?" - Long Duck Dong said this in 'Sixteen Candles'. If you do a quote, you have to do it like the actor did. Impersonate the shit out of it vocally.

    "My Liver! My Liver!" - Beavis said this. Make sure you clutch your upper abdomen for full effect.

    "I know I've made mistakes. But I've learned from them. I'VE LEARNED!" - The mad scientist in 'The Brain That Wouldn't Die' said this.

    "You took my Man-Bat away! Screech! And for that, you must die!" - From 'Robin Meets Man-Bat' from Power Records. A classic quote. Do the 'screech' as the word, not the sound, but pronounce it in a screech-like manner.

    "Eeyolpme Ecnartne" - 'Employee Entrance' backwards.

    "Gnikoms On" - 'No Smoking' backwards.

    "BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!" - You gotta yell it. You can even add:

    "I HAVE THE POWER!" - Goes best with the one above, but can be used alone.

    "FOR THE HONOR OF GRAYSKULL!" - For the ladies. You can follow it up with:

    "I AM SHE-RA!" - Again, best with above, but can be used alone.

Shopping Games

There are many kinds of shopping games you can play. Here are a few...

The "Weird Products" Game - This one can be embarassing, but you must fight that back and be bold. You will shop for things that a person like you would never really shop for. Men? Spend some time in the feminine hygiene area. Be cool with it. Compare brands and sizes. If asked about why you're there, go with your comedic instincts. Daughter need products? Wife? Mother? And women; Check out some non-woman items (I have no idea what women want so they have to know what these items are).

The "Alien Among Us" Game - Do you know how to be weird in a convincing way? Good. You need to be. But don't let lack of skill stop you, this is for fun! As you shop, use advertising words out loud: "New Flavor", "Fat Free", and others are fine examples. But pronounce them as if you are selling the item yourself. Don't go overboard, just say "New Flavor!" in a odd way and move on. Be a little Beavis-ish. Be a little Mork-ish. Be fucking weird!