Facebook Awesomeness

My buddy, Doc Drako, is having a rather enjoyable time in a battle of wits and words with his dysfunctional family over on Facebook. I'm sharing it here because I think it's funny as hell. Check out the battle as it happens here...

Facebook's Generic Question:
How's it going, Robert?

Doc's Response to Facebook:
How's it going? Really, Facebook? My Mom, Dad, and older Brother all died last year. Mom in March, Dad and Les in October. Thanks for asking. By the way, F**K YOU, MAYANS. In my case, the world DID end last year. Am I bitter? I don't know. I've never tasted myself. Can I live on? Looks like I have to. Oddly enough, I've never felt more hope or wonder in the universe. My life has drastically changed. I am now more miserable, and yet happier than I have ever been. How's that for a contradiction? Fits perfectly into the workings of the universe. Why are you always so F*****G happy, Facebook? It's annoying.

His brother Lester's response:
ya that was my family to all u cared about was u u have two kids u never thoughr iu would have and u dobt care ya im syinying this to the world because all u tjank is anout u
(is that Klingon? I'm not fluent...)

Doc's response:
Hey Oof. Why don't you just fuck off? You're just mad that I revealed your homosexual relationship with your stepdad. Why don't you take his cock out of your mouth for ten seconds and call me sometime. Maybe we can salvage our relationship. Oh wait. I only care about myself. As far as my relationship with my kids goes, you don't know shit. Chances are you don't even know their names or when they were born (I seriously hope you do, because I don't. I don't care enough to know). And one last thing: Learn to spell. You write like you ate the alphabet and puked it back up again. Ever heard of punctuation? Or didn't they teach that at Lard Ass Elementary School?

For those who don't know, Oof (Lester) is one of my younger brothers. He's doing his best to act like what he thinks a man is supposed to act like. Please excuse his inept attempts at posting messages that anyone can read. Despite his lame ass attack, I love him. So don't let his comments (or mine) fool you. Deep down, he's a good guy. He just needs to read a book once in awhile. I'm not really mad at him, I'm just giving him the kind of response he's expecting. He was raised to believe that masculine posturing and physical violence can solve all of your problems. He's the type of guy I couldn't stand when I was in high school. The guy that measures his worth by how many people's asses he can kick. Dumbass.

Come on, Oof! Keep it going! This is the most fun I've ever had here at Facebook! I hope you'll make more illegible, drunken posts in the near future! (you can find 'Illegible' in the dictionary. I don't feel like explaining it to you.)

At this point, Lester seems to have dropped out for whatever reason. But this morning, Lester's mother jumped into the fray... 

Lester's mother, Liz's comment:
Really Bobby you are 20 years older then your brother and a husband and dad. You act younger then him. It is done my husband and I have been nothing but good to you and you want to make those kind of comments about my husband and your borther and you want everyone to feel sorry for you. DONE........

Doc's response:
Hey Liz. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I was responding to Facebook's generic question in as humorous a way as I could considering the loss that our family has had to deal with. I didn't ask Oof to jump in with drunken comments, suggesting that I am a heartless asshole (my interpretation of his rather cryptic, drunken statements). I wasn't asking for sympathy. It was a response to an automated question. Your clueless son, my brother, decided to make it a personal attack. I suppose I should just let him publicly attack me. But I say if he can't handle the consequences, he should keep his mouth shut. And if you READ the entire argument (rather one sided) you'll see that I am not taking it personally at all. He's just a big kid acting the way YOU, Leslie, and Bob taught him to act. I also find it funny that his Mommy is jumping in to finish the 'argument' by declaring it DONE. But it isn't done until he mans up and finishes it himself. Say hello to the family for me.

For those who don't know, Liz is Oof's (Lester's) mommy. She had to jump in to defend his drunken post because he is either too afraid to continue the rather humorous 'fight', or because he's just too hungover. I'm not mad at Liz for defending her son, because I'd do the same thing for my sons, whatever their names are (I don't know their names, sorry, just don't care enough to find out). The point I am trying to make is that people need to stand up and be responsible for their actions. I myself am trying to do just that, although family members who live hundreds of miles away seem to know what I'm thinking and what my intent is even though they have no clue just what my life is like here. Do I want sympathy? No. Do I need people to take sides? No. I just ask that blow hard assholes stand behind their comments instead of posting untrue bullshit and then hiding while their mommies jump in to bail them out of the situation. And this is STILL the most fun I've ever had here.

Oh and Liz? Nobody knew who I was referring to by stepdad until you posted it. So you are just as guilty for exposing their homosexual affair as I am. Let's keep it going! This is awesome!

Oh I forgot to put DONE.......

I can't wait to see what happens next! Doc, you're a magnificent asshole! LOL!